Skip to content

Rosencrantz the Draenei

Rosencrantz the Draenei published on

Had two anxiety dreams last night, then went back to sleep and had a Warcraft dream. I was a Blood Elf attempting to control my demoralized Horde scouting party in the Swamp of Sorrows, where a disaster had taken place, and some sort of level-?? sentient gas creature was stalking the Horde and Alliance in the area.

With the party was a Broken Draenei who was very sad and listless all the time, as well as kind of dumb. But he was the best Mage we had (can Draenei even be Mages?), so I bullied him into doing stuff. His name was “Rosencrantz,” and he had a one-handed mace and nothing in his off-hand. I don’t know.

I should mention that I was a fairly unambiguously evil Blood Elf – I killed some guy for purely character-establishment-related reasons early on – even though I was wearing plate, and so presumably a Paladin. I was also dual-wielding a sword and a polearm. This is clearly badass. I don’t know what a Paladin was doing with Titan’s Grip, maybe I just hit a Warrior so hard it like, fell out.

(Man, I just looked it up and Titan’s Grip doesn’t work on Polearms. Screw that.)

Finally most of my party rebelled against me and ran off to join a party of Dark Iron dwarves nearby, taking Rosencrantz with them, just as the gas creature overwhelmed us. My PoV then switched over to Rosencrantz, and I was feeling guilty about having left the Blood Elf behind, despite the fact that she said mean things to me. I think the dream was setting up to have her come back and sneak into the dwarf encampment and demand I help her with something. But then a dog or something banged into my door and I woke up.

This is not a particularly interesting dream, but it amuses me how clear my subconscious was about everyone’s classes and gear. Also, that it made the Dark Iron dwarves nice and helpful to the defectors – clearly it is impatient with this creepy The Black Dwarves And Tauren Are Evil shit of Blizzard’s. I just wish it had specified whether or not the Blood Elf’s name was Guildenstern.

I’m a bad person.

I’m a bad person. published on

Apparently there have been leaks about the next WoW expansion?

I can tell I’m not really invested in the canonical WoW storyline because:

1) It didn’t even occur to me not to read the spoilers. It didn’t even occur to me to consider them spoilers. I guess that on some level, I do not feel a story is being told here.

2) My big reaction to the Big Major Spoiler that totally shifts the sociopolitical balance of the game’s society was not “wow, that totally shifts the sociopolitical balance of the game’s society!” but rather “man, that totally screws up my awesome fanfic.”

The exciting plot news is that…

Continue reading I’m a bad person.

I might be playing WoW again.

I might be playing WoW again. published on

So we’ve got Varian Wrynn who leads the humans, and Thrall who leads the orcs. And Thrall is the nice one who reads books and sincerely regrets the necessity of ripping your legs off, and Varian is the angry one who yells “traitor!” a lot and whose ten-year-old* keeps having to talk him down.** And they’ve got to have their angsty backstory to explain how they turned out like this, of course.

But why is it the same backstory? Is being enslaved and forced to become a gladiator just some kind of rite of passage in Azeroth?

* I think the endgame plan is probably that Thrall and Prince Anduin get married.

** If the description of their personalities sounds intriguing to you, please just like… imagine the story you want to go there. You do not want to try and read the books. I promise.

Persistence of location

Persistence of location published on

There used to be an empty lot I had to go through on my way to the mall. One morning at the end of March or beginning of April, still sleepy, I was walking to the mall, and found that there was suddenly construction in that lot. Cement had been poured, and the ground was higher than it had been. This seemed unlikely to me; for a moment I wasn’t sure if I was in the real world or in a video game. I tried to check my inventory.

Continue reading Persistence of location

I need to go to the grocery store

I need to go to the grocery store published on

but I can’t right now because I’m craving feta cheese, and in addition to making me sick, feta cheese is 1200 yen.

I also need to buy tea. Going home and drinking my Celestial Seasonings green tea has brought me to the unwelcome realization that the Japanese brand I usually drink is awful. So I’ll probably have to go to the special-special tea booth at the front of the grocery and let the Tea Lady look down at me superciliously from the block she stands on, as I squint my jet-lagged eyes at my DS stylus, fumblingly typing in tea terms. She’ll probably gesture with her apron.

It’s been a month, and I was doing fine. But the World of Warcraft withdrawal’s hitting me again. Every once in a while my fingers twitch out the keyboard shortcut sequence for Hunter’s Mark, then Serpent Sting, then Arcane Shot. At odd moments I find myself anxiously recalculating whether the blue neck attachment I’m wearing is really optimal for my DPS, trying to remember whether I still have my old green one in the bank.

This is important information.

This is important information. published on

My orcish hunter has had a pig for a pet since the beginning of the game, but I never named it because I could never think of anything I liked enough. I was in the Hinterlands today, and this obviously led me to think about Song for the Basilisk (and how Luna Pellior is the most McKillip-y name McKillip’s ever done), which obviously made me think about the Riddlemaster books (and how there is probably Morgon/Astrin fanfic), which led me to the realization that my level-53 pig’s name should be Hegdis-Noon, the Talking Pig of Hel.

Though that wouldn’t fit, so he’s just Hegdisnoon.

Oh, Seyonne. You redeemer, you.

Oh, Seyonne. You redeemer, you. published on

Self-destructively, I finished the second of Carol Berg’s Rai-kirah books and am working on the third. This is the basic plot progression of the series. I’m spoiling everything right here! Click on the cut only if you wish to bask in the brilliance of the best plot arc ever!

(The most recent Penny Arcade may be relevant to this post’s interests.)

Continue reading Oh, Seyonne. You redeemer, you.

World of Warcraft is funny

World of Warcraft is funny published on

“First up, bad news: the Glyph of Windfury Weapon now does not add the additional attack power. You can panic now. This is bad enough that I’ll be devoting all of next week’s column to it.”

Reading WoW blogs gives me perspective. Whatever my problems may be, at least they’re not as bad as that glyph thing.

I have purchased a toaster oven.

I have purchased a toaster oven. published on

It feels like some sort of minuscule adulthood rite of passage, buying a kitchen appliance for myself.

Also, standing in the grocery store’s massive liquor section* and doing math in my head, I chose to buy one of the big things of Baileys instead of a little one, calculating that it would be about 70 yen cheaper per ounce. I think this is also some sort of rite of passage, but it might not be an “adulthood” one per se. A dissolute, girly adulthood rite of passage. I then came home and drank spiked hot chocolate and leveled my orcish hunter to 45.

(Apparently the Ice Stone has melted, you guys.)

* It’s a spirits aisle, a beer aisle, a wine aisle, and a bunch of wine displays spilling out into the housewares section. It sprawls.


Busy! published on

Accomplishments this weekend:

* I purchased, laboriously hauled home, and assembled a small wooden shelving unit for the kitchen. This all makes me feel very macho. I even managed to avoid putting any the sections in with the unfinished side wrong-way-around.

* I rearranged the kitchen to accommodate said shelving unit. I have put a power strip in there and plugged both the microwave and rice cooker into it; I will hope that this doesn’t overstrain it.

* Got a case and inkpad for my hanko, so I can actually use it if necessary. (It hasn’t been necessary so far.)

* Until today I’d only been able to find one ATM that would take my American debit card, and it was twenty-five minutes walk away and in the middle of nowhere. But now I’ve I located another – it’s also twenty-five minutes away, but it’s in a big shopping center, so I can combine errands. And I’m 99% sure I’ve found a third, five minutes away FTW! I have enough cash that I haven’t tested that one yet, but it’s a Japan Post Yucho machine, and those all seem happy with American cards.

* Deposited some money in my Japanese account so I can get a cell phone.

* Failed to actually get a cell phone, because the place I went to didn’t have any English-language pamphlets. Japanese cell phone plans are intentionally complicated – they’re mostly incomprehensible even in translation. I’m not giving these people any money without English documentation. Will try at another store before work tomorrow. (I know the damn pamphlets exist because I saw them in Tokyo and Okazaki.)

* Discovered a good reason, aside from fashion, to have a matching hat-scarf set: The scarf’s presence around your neck makes it very easy to prove to the Lost and Found people that you are also the owner of the hat.

I own four hats, and have now lost and recovered three of them once apiece. I wonder if, when I finally go through this process with the fourth, I will at last be safe, or if the cycle will simply begin anew.

* Finally remembered to buy headphones.

* Examined prices for curtains and toaster ovens, items I intend to purchase when I finally get my friggin’ paycheck.

* Totally failed to pick up my resident alien card. I have to do that sometime between today and a week from today or a Bureaucratic Nightmare Possibly Ending In Deportation will ensue, and I had made an entry on Google Calenders to remind me to do it today, and Google Calenders didn’t send me the damn reminder email argh. It would have been a lot cheaper to do it today because I would’ve had time to take the damn bus, but if I have to get it done before work I’ll probably have to take a cab.

* Totally failed to do any lesson planning yet. But I have Ideas. I think I’m going to do a holiday thing and teach the older kids about Lupercalia.

* Levelled my Tauren Druid up to 125 in Enchanting. (Why can the horrible Native American stereotypes become moronic Celtic stereotypes…?) This isn’t actually an accomplishment.

What Happened Today (or, yesterday, by now)

What Happened Today (or, yesterday, by now) published on

* I wake up way too early because the house is freezing.

* There is a holiday-related thing I need to do before one of my sisters wakes up – this would be a good time to do it. I forget, turn the heat on, and go back to sleep.

* I get up at 11:00, feeling sick because I slept way too long. My sisters are both awake already.

* I realize that I forgot to call the Japanese consulate yesterday to ask where the heck my visa is – it should have shown up Monday at the latest. I call.

* They never received one of my forms, and they need it – in the original – before they can issue the visa. (I spent like $35 bucks sending all this crap two weeks ago, did I mention that?) Upon being told that I’m leaving the country in less than two weeks – about half of which are vacation days for the consulate, and several of which are vacation days for the post office – the woman I talk to says that I fax them the form today, she’ll try to get it out in the mail before they close. But I really need to mail in an original, too.

* The printer is fucking broken.

* We don’t have a fax machine anyway. The eighties have been over for like at least fifteen fucking years, I checked.

* I call Mom and ask if her office has a working printer and fax machine – it does – and say I’ll be there in a few minutes.

* And the car is gone. thegeekgene took it someplace. I break into her room and eat her N64.

* I call Mom and ask her if she can come get me.

* It occurs to me when we’re halfway there I could have just done the fax part of this from the house, because we do have a working scanner, I know how to use Photoshop, and exists.

* After faxing the form, I go pick up some stuff for Mom, then go to the post office to mail the hard-copy. I lock myself out of the car. I call Mom and discover that this car has only one key. Two expensive and highly cold-sensitive presents are trapped inside.

* I go into the post office to mail the form. Just as I’m handing the envelope across the desk, my cell phone rings – the original copy has just shown up at the consulate. I haven’t paid yet! Hurrah!

* I sit in the post office and play Professor Layton and the Curious Village for twenty minutes until Dad shows up with a key he somehow got made.

* I finally manage to finish my orc’s Chief Brigadier armor set! But it’s more revealing than I realized.

Cut for overly sexy orc:

Continue reading What Happened Today (or, yesterday, by now)

I want to play Alliance so I can kill Regthar Deathgate.

I want to play Alliance so I can kill Regthar Deathgate. published on

How I can tell I have played the game too long: I tried to click on the dog to see if he was aggro.

Couldn’t figure out why the mouse wouldn’t go over to him.

(I’m pretty sure this particular dog is Hostile To All Factions. The St. Bernard is Friendly To All Factions, including Dognappers In Trucks, as has been demonstrated twice.)

I have no really specific reason for wanting to kill Regthar Deathgate. It just seems like he might find it a welcome change of pace.


Pffft. published on

This is the most hilarious thing ever if it’s for real.

Also, I can’t play WoW right now because the zombies keep killing me. And then, when I turn into a zombie, the guards kill me. I do appreciate the scale of the event, but it would’ve been nice if they’d put in some content for lower-level players.

(The one time I got away from the guards in Orgrimmar, I went and retched all over the orphans. Turns out orphans are immune to zombiedom. Oh, come on.)

It is weird when World of Warcraft has server problems.

It is weird when World of Warcraft has server problems. published on

I climbed up a mountain, and walked down the other side to find the world empty. The hedgehog men had all vanished. The velociraptors, too. I thought they must at last have gone home, numb with the final, cold realization that they were not, perhaps, setting-appropriate to the Serengeti.

Thinking this was part of some kind of scheduled event (though it completely threw me off that the music didn’t change – the music always changes when weird stuff happens in games!), I explored for five or six minutes before realizing that the items, NPCs, and other players were also all gone.

Then it shut down and told me I’d been disconnected.