I’m at the beach with Papaw. The beachhouse we’re in ticks me off every time I go into the bathroom.
Today I make a solemn vow before my patron saint, the internet: on the remote chance that I ever sell a book, and then get an offer to have it optioned it for a movie/TV show/etc, I will allow it only if there is clear language in the contract stating that,
1) the characters be cast the same races they are in the books,
and 2) that the non-white ones’ roles will not be minimized in favor of the white ones.
There will also be language stating that they have to remain the same gender and sexual orientation. And that there won’t be any un-called-for rapes or rapping or suchlike. (Called-for rapes and rapping and suchlike are fine, they just can’t be applied to female and black characters for whom it would be inappropriate. For instance, the deaf psychometrist pro gymnast raised by a former Chan Buddhist monk whose long-lost father is, like, somehow Longinus.
If that were an actual character, rapes and rapping would not be appropriate there.)
Should I break this vow, may my very soul be forfeit, and may the internet dogpile me in whatever manner seems reasonable given the technology of the future. Like, I’m assuming that by this time HTTP protocols will support physically slapping you for things like a particularly bad YouTube comment. Presumably the technique will be applied to my own situation in sort of the era’s equivalent of a Rickroll. Also people can refrain from buying my book.