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Screw you, health.

Screw you, health. published on

I thought I was feeling gross because I’d been eating nothing but Idiot Food (ie, plain rice, ramen, and small marshmallow cookies), but I’ve consumed twice my usual dose of Spinach And Orange Juice Detox the past 48 hours, and my head still creaks when I move. And I feel all hot, and I haven’t had the heat on all day. So the room probably isn’t really hot.

Things That I Never, Ever Actually Have In The Room, Even When I Keep Thinking “I Totally Need To Buy That” For Like A Month

1) thermometer
2) emergency earthquake kit

If I don’t put together the earthquake kit, that probably means there’ll be an earthquake next week, so I should do that and so prevent Okazaki from being leveled by earthquakes.

Post Consisting Almost Wholly Of Money-Related Rage

Post Consisting Almost Wholly Of Money-Related Rage published on

The Student Affairs Office is giving me anger issues. My gas bill last month was a little under $30. This month – that is, the month I had no heat for a week – it’s $110. Continue reading Post Consisting Almost Wholly Of Money-Related Rage

Go back to bed!

Go back to bed! published on

I woke up at four AM smelling something burning. I got up and checked every plugged-in appliance in the room before realizing it was probably coming from the guy next door. Apparently he was cooking at four AM. Cooking incorrectly at four AM. I hate that guy. He should be in bed.

Then I laid in bed for two and a half hours and couldn’t get back to sleep. I hate everything.

(I knocked a couple of blogs off my reading list.)

(I knocked a couple of blogs off my reading list.) published on

Recently I find myself feeling that it’s unfair to think of some people as human beings. This is because I believe that human beings have free will. If they do, then some of them evidently deserve to have their carcasses refashioned into useful things such as pencils and bags.

Maybe I will feel better if I go eat some spaghetti.

Confucius Hates You

Confucius Hates You published on

On Monday, a bunch of us in Renaissance Lit took a trip to a prison to see the Shakespeare Behind Bars guys from this documentary rehearse, and talked to them afterwards. I didn’t find out about the shootings in Virginia until we got back at about 11:00 at night. I’m kind of assimilating the whole visit and probably won’t post about it more than this.

Apparently, though, I do feel comfortable talking about shitty news coverage of the shootings.

Professor Portentous let us get slightly off-topic in Confucian Classics today (yesterday), presumably because, you know, we’re mostly East Asian Studies majors in there, and we’d darn well better have an opinion. Inse said he turned Fox on to see just how horrible their coverage was, and apparently O’Reilly said something along the lines of, “Exactly how did a South Korean get hold of two guns?” O’Reilly is big on the gun control. He feels it is an important issue worthy of serious thought. He also knows the difference between South and North Korea, and the state of the US’s diplomatic relations thereto.

Prof. Portentous then got us back onto the subject of, you know, the Confucian Classics, and asked whether we could connect The Guy’s behavior to any specific failure to follow Confucian guidelines. Silence. I say, “No.” “No?” “No. We can’t know that. I mean, we don’t need to know that.”

I’d looked at some of the links posted on BoingBoing and suchlike, but – this is why I need to stop reading BoingBoing. It fetishizes tragedy the same way the mainstream media does – why did I say mainstream. This is BoingBoing. It is mainstream. There are always a few good links in there when they’re covering a developing story, but they’re mixed in with a lot of shit, some of it insanely journalistically irresponsible.

For instance, they linked to some poor guy with a slightly similar name’s Flickr page, and several students’ accounts of what had happened on their personal sites – and some of these kids were clearly pretty rattled and only really posting to let off stress and tell their friends they were okay. They don’t need this kind of exposure right now. And I like how, in the midst of her own reveling in tragedy, Jardin sanctimoniously links to this guy‘s discussion of the harmfulness of obsessive television coverage of school shootings. Nary a synapse fires in her head.

Okay. Anyway, I’d looked at some of the stuff posted on BoingBoing, but only some, and wasn’t totally sure what the guy’s nationality was. I did look at some of his creative writing. It looked like something the Something Awful guys would write.

In an attempt to change the subject (because I did not want to sit there listening to people vaguely talking about mass murder in terms of “ritual propriety”) I brought this up in class. I said that whatever his ethnic background, his writing style indicated that he was “pretty assimilated into American culture,” and that therefore the journalists who felt it necessary to constantly refer to him as “the South Korean shooter” were engaging in “rash speech” and “careless thought,” and thus were failing to uphold their responsibility to society.

It’s weird using Confucian vocabulary to say stuff, you sound very glib. (Unless you’re Professor Portentous, of course.)

Aside from asking me to explain Something Awful, and asking for the URL on learning that it “satirized American culture,” he then let me off the hook for a while, and other people cheerfully expressed their own dubiousness of Bill O’Reilly’s chances of achieving authoritative conduct at this late point in his life (see Analects 9.22), and the sadly low likelihood of Fox president Rupert Murdoch’s being recognized by all men as a sage king, and being followed as water follows the slant of the earth.

But I was serious.

(On the subject, I’m glad -ing Imus got fired. Mom, tell Dad I’m glad -ing Imus got fired. Dad did stop listening to him, like, a couple years ago, right? Tell him I have expectations of his taste.)

I Like My Women Like I Like My Coffee

I Like My Women Like I Like My Coffee published on

Sodexho has generously given me a light pink plastic tumbler that turns darker pink when it gets cold, in an obvious and completely inappropriate reference to nipples. I wonder if they’re going to email me telling me to deposit it in a box someplace on campus, because I am not on the meal plan anymore and am not therefore entitled to a plastic tumbler.

Printed on it in very small type is a schedule of what I assume someone considers to be the school’s “feminist events” for the next three months. The schedule gives dates but no times, and is badly spaced and punctuated.

I mean, this isn’t a disposable cup or anything. It must have been expensive to get these things custom-made. Isn’t it kind of weird to give out a reusable item with your February-March-April 2007 schedule on it? Am I supposed to treasure it forever as a memento of “Love Your Body Day” (which is apparently on Valentines Day)? Is there going to be a whole series of collectible 2007 color-change cups?

Oh, wait, the year’s not on there.

Actually, the schedule itself is even more bizarre than its presence on a cup. Here it is (formatting, punctuation, etc. all theirs):

Mind, Body, and Soul Spring Events…
14-Love Your Body Day
26-Mind, Body, & Soul Survival Guide
28-Let’s Talk About It!
7-Vagina Monologues
8, 22, 29-Self Defense Workshop
19-30-“Human Breathing” Yoga
25-Speaker, Andrea Cooper,
“Kristin’s Story”
26, 27-Lifetime Wellness Instructor,
Kitty Consolo
5 Take Back The Night
Events presented by the Women’s Resource Center,
Women’s Emphasis, The Lilly Program,
Delta, Delta, Delta, and Alpha Chi Omega
commentary, or, This Plastic Tumbler Is A Story About Rape:

Continue reading I Like My Women Like I Like My Coffee

… published on

Last night, Link, AikidoBot, and a couple other people spent several hours making a really nice snow woman in the middle of the academic quad. When I stopped to look at her again coming back from work, one of her breasts had been ripped off, her eyes were gone, and a hole had been carved and sprayed with red fluid vaguely in the vicinity of where her genitalia ought to have been. The placement was a little off, and I really hope the poor person who did this eventually gets some more reliable intelligence on those parts of the female body, in case he or she is ever forced to become physically intimate with them. It’s probably not something they’re all that interested in, or even really have to worry about, but it’s always good to be prepared.

Jesus has this great limited-edition ‘Matrix’ knife

Jesus has this great limited-edition ‘Matrix’ knife published on

My shift Monday, a guy told my supervisor all about his gun collection – and the time, when he was on the police force, that he saw an old man sitting on a porch covered in blood – and then the old man’s wife (who had done it) stabbed him – and in the course of all this I think he might have admitted to falsifying evidence.

Today, the same guy came in in a rabbit costume and hopped around, and then talked for about forty-five minutes about his fondness for such suits, and which ones he was planning to wear at his first con this year. He said he really empathized with Bugs Bunny.

However. This is still almost the creepiest thing that happened tonight:

When your co-worker waits until the older authority figure is safely gone, and then drops the conversation he’s been having with you to ask, “Are you happy?”, and then makes a horrible, patronizing suggestion about your behavior to justify the question, he is about to do one of two things:

1) Make a pass at you.

2) Try to convert you.

As follow-ups to that question, both are equally creepy. When deciding whether it’s an appropriate time to witness to someone, I advise evangelists to consider whether they would come off as kind of a serial killer if they were, instead, to choose that moment to start hitting on the target. If the answer is “yes,” then don’t do it. These are both very personal things. Where you feel like it’d be creepy to intrude yourself, it’s equally creepy to intrude your goddamn religion.

The guy didn’t leave right away, so while he was there looking at my screen, I went on OhioLINK and requested some Tezuka manga. You know, Buddha and Faust, and this thing with “Satan” in the title. Did you guys know Tezuka did a version of Faust? He totally did. I told the guy it was definitely going to be awesome. I mean, look how awesome the Hitler manga was!

Edited a few times for delicacy or lack thereof

I kind of hate my college right now.

I kind of hate my college right now. published on

The school’s holiday-themed meals get more and more disgusting the closer we get to the end of the semester. Highlights of Christmas dinner:

– seasonally-colored glitter on the tables (1)

– “Mexican sushi” – burritos cut up

– cheese and crackers (2)

– “barbecued” meatballs (3)

– wild rice pilaf with secret ingredient (4)

– mint-chocolate-swirl bundt cake, rock-hard-stale

– pumpkin bundt cake, rock-hard-stale

– some kind of pink jellow thing with marshmallows (5)

– crepes with ice cream and fruit (6)

(1) Extrapolating from previous uses of the damn glitter, at least one person will accidentally swallow some before the night is over.

(2) Appear to be left over from some earlier event, judging by the worn-out corners on the cheese cubes.

(3) Made from the breakfast sausages.

(4) If you have something that’s been sitting around for weeks and you have to use it today, or else just throw it out – then just throw it out. (The secret ingredient was mushy red pepper.)

(5) When I left, the serving spoon was still sitting beside the bowl, pristine and untouched.

(6) This was the only edible dessert. It has been snowing all day and the wind was picking up and the ice cream was the only edible dessert.

edited a couple hours later because I left out an item of disgust and thus got the numbers mixed up

Today is hideous.

Today is hideous. published on

I mean, today’s just fired.

(The third round of power outages was the last straw.)

But it does prove something I’ve suspected since the beginning of the semester – no matter how infuriating everything else is, coding always calms me down. I just go into the zone. When I get frustrated about the program, it’s not the big-smile “I WILL PUNCH ANY DEITY IN THE CROTCH” sort of thing I get from papers and whatnot. Your essay or your paper ninja ornament might have an problem that’s just impossible to solve – but your algorithm won’t.

Or, apparently that’s how I look at it.

I just uploaded my last month or so’s stuff to Flickr. (Though most of it’s marked private.) When I was looking through my photos for the animal shelter ads, I thought this puppy picture was cute, but…

a really tiny, kind of spooky puppy

…I don’t… it looks like it’s going to transform. Into something bad. I don’t know about this puppy.

(Fortunately, I don’t think it’s the one I actually used in the ad.)


Hate. published on

How the hell could you possibly need to release a new edition of a book called “Intercultural Communication in Contexts” after less than three years? Have there been major breakthroughs in the field of human interaction since 2003? I paid fifty bucks for this book (which was complete drivel anyway, it has a 1:10 content-banana pudding ratio) and now I can’t even sell it to anyone.

Next semester I’m serious about the not buying stuff from the school bookstore thing. I’m saying it on the internet so that makes it true.

(…there should be a website comparing editions of textbooks somewhere. Angry college students are an important intarweb demographic, Google, I know I’m right about this.)

At home.

At home. published on


1) Went to Barenaked Ladies concert with Mom, Dad, and . This is exactly the third concert I’ve been to in my life, if you count Sesame Street on Ice.

I will never again attend a concert without earplugs. I still hear roaring.

Mom says it wasn’t really that loud.

1a) There was a Yelling Shithead (TM) behind us. He was a middle-aged man who was balding and had chosen to grow his hair long to in some way disguise this. He screamed constantly and derided the intelligence of his companions (“‘Mediocre’ – oh, do you know what ‘mediocre’ means?”), whose responses we could not hear. (Or, actually, I’m not totally sure those poor people were actually with him.)

He yelled “Nutshelllll!” at regular intervals throughout the concert. I was pleased that they never played it.

2) Dad owns a t-shirt with the election results printed on it.

3) Okay, I’m going to have to make my family buy a new monitor. This one is going to kill their eyes. I guess it’s been kind of blurry for a while, but it was actually painful for me to read through my friends list just now. Urrrgh.

4) Joseph Beth in Lexington was having a huge manga sale. $2 a volume. I mean, the stuff that this applied to was 90% crap or random high-numbered volumes of series no one wants to buy all of – to give you an idea, I think about a fifth of the selection was comprised of volume 4 of Shaolin Sisters: Reborn and volume 18 of Samurai Deeper Kyo. But I still found eight things I wanted enough to buy, and I didn’t even realize there was a second tableful downstairs until after I’d checked out.

Continue reading At home.

Doom sparkles

Doom sparkles published on

At home. Politics is infuriating and sleazy and I will do the revolution just so as not to subject people to stuff like what happened today. My revolution will be the first to use a video game for its core text, that being Kingdom of Loathing, which teaches that you fight sleaze with ice and spookiness – but watch out, ‘cuz it does double damage on fire and stinkiness!

I will have there be some kind of jerk blood-test that they administer before they allow you to run for office, or maybe one of those questionnaires that’s supposed to identify sociopaths. It will save the non-loathsome candidates money, and the public a lot of unattractive advertising.

I went to take a nap immediately after thegeekgene and I got home, morosely convinced that she would wake me up in under an hour so I could deal with a crisis involving sleaze having followed us home and being on the porch with a fake special knife from a seventies movie from out of the Edge Co. catalog.

Mom woke me up an hour ago and fed me some very good pork, though, so I feel better now.

published on

And I am informed that my reaction to the gentleman is not unique.

He’s just sitting there sniping at Link for no reason, then he gets a call from his dad, and he sits there and lies to his dad and snipes at him for a while, and then he hangs up and starts calling other people trying to get them to do his work for him, and gahhhh I need to work. Thank god he left.


Hate. published on

(Addendum: I’m never looking at an FMA community again. Are there people who don’t understand the “spoiler” concept? Gahhh! They’re just cheerfully going into posts by people who have only read up to volume 9, and having nice little conversations about major plot points in volume 11. Does drinking alcohol make you forget stuff that happens when you’re sober? Maybe I should drink alcohol… no, I’ve got work tomorrow… I’ll hit myself in the head! That’ll do it! Where’s a two-by-four, housekeeping left a random two-by-four in my room last year…)

I Hate Record of Lodoss War Theatre

I Hate Record of Lodoss War Theatre published on

“Oh my god this show is so terrible – ohhhh, god, no, that kid’s got blue hair, he’s going to be a protagonist! We’ve got like fucking seventeen protagonists already, I can’t -”

Good work, Spark!

“OH GOD IT’S TRUE his name’s Spark oh please someone kill him! Before he matures!”

He reminds me of someone, Parn. He reminds me of you… when you were a boy!

“OHHHH GODDDDDD I’m going outside.”