Oct 21 2006

Doom sparkles

At home. Politics is infuriating and sleazy and I will do the revolution just so as not to subject people to stuff like what happened today. My revolution will be the first to use a video game for its core text, that being Kingdom of Loathing, which teaches that you fight sleaze with ice and spookiness – but watch out, ‘cuz it does double damage on fire and stinkiness!

I will have there be some kind of jerk blood-test that they administer before they allow you to run for office, or maybe one of those questionnaires that’s supposed to identify sociopaths. It will save the non-loathsome candidates money, and the public a lot of unattractive advertising.

I went to take a nap immediately after thegeekgene and I got home, morosely convinced that she would wake me up in under an hour so I could deal with a crisis involving sleaze having followed us home and being on the porch with a fake special knife from a seventies movie from out of the Edge Co. catalog.

Mom woke me up an hour ago and fed me some very good pork, though, so I feel better now.

Sep 24 2006

Fullmetal Alchemist 9 and random Vampire Game fretfulness

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

( Cut for major spoilers. )

Also, in nitpicky news, it looks like they forgot how they were romanizing some of the names, and left some formatting errors in there again. There’s a really obvious wrong-word-balloon thing right at the beginning. I didn’t notice any others right off, but one of the squinty guy’s longer conversations was really awkward, so maybe there was some switching in there that was tricky enough I didn’t notice it.

A good thing is that the characters have pretty distinctive voices, so you can usually tell when something’s gone fishy with the formatting. If there’s mis-attributed dialog in, say, Vampire Game, you just can’t tell – the sneaky Princess, egomaniacal Prince, much-put-upon royal bodyguard, and haughty vampire king all sound like fourteen-year-old South Park fans.

…not that I don’t appreciate the lines about lube and dirty limericks the translators stuck in there (I’m sure this makes me a terrible person and a failed Serious Manga Reader), but it’s kind of jarring when an extremely stodgy character suddenly says something really snippy. Shock potty humor works best when it is a shock. It shouldn’t be coming from all directions at once, especially if you’re trying to fit a semi-serious shounen-ai story in there, too. Ishtar and Yujinn making buttsecks jokes, sure; Vord and Duzell, some of the time, fine; but not Darres. And I’m sure he was using distal-style most of the time in the original, but you couldn’t tell it here.

Unless I’m midjudging this and they completely scrapped the original plot. I don’t think they did – they’d have dumped more of the politics – but I’d say it’s possible that Ishtar was originally dumber, and Duzell’s angst more obnoxious. Which thought saddens me.

…I wish more people read this manga. It’s good! I mean, the art’s awful and the plot’s infuriating – but – well, it’s good anyway! It has a better cross-dressing- heroine- surrounded- by- guys- who- are- prettier- than- she- is- yet- whose- egos- she- constantly- deflates than Ouran Host Club! It has a haughty immortal vampire king who looks exactly like said heroine (due to magic… things…) and whom she immediately wraps around her little finger and starts sending to deal with her unwanted suitors! And he looks all ominous and serious all the time while thinking stuff like, “Damn that princess, tricking me into seducing her pretty, evil, incest-fetishizing uncle! He’s not even my type!” (Though this may be bullshit translation.) It has no idea how suspense works! It has no idea what shoulders look like! It has two palace guards whose original dialog was apparently so pointless that the translators could replace 90% of it with dirty jokes that don’t fit their facial expressions! It has horses that don’t work!

It’s great, I promise!

Continue reading “Fullmetal Alchemist 9 and random Vampire Game fretfulness”

Sep 23 2006


Martha Wells is posting her book The Element of Fire on her LiveJournal, and that means you must read it, your only excuse for not having previously done so being its Impossible-To-Find status. (link via kate_nepveu)


Sep 15 2006

‘Lie to me, Clow.’

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

Cardcaptor Sakura probably fosters really unhealthy attitudes about honesty. There are all these scenes, particularly in the last couple volumes, of which the moral is basically, It’s okay to deceive your loved ones if you feel like it’s for their own good. Particularly if the loved one is Sakura. She will totally thank you for it – tears in her eyes, screentone with bubbles and flowers, the works.

( Facetiousness continues, but with slight spoilers. )

But it is so cute that I don’t actually care. I guess Sakura is the only completely heterosexual protagonist? I don’t even know if you can count Clow, he has this thing about keeping extremely pretty men around. Well, maybe Kero’s straight. It’s not addressed.

Ohhh, wait. Miss Mizuki. Okay, so two.

My brain hurts from library. There were four people on my shift for some reason, and all of them but me were new.

Continue reading “‘Lie to me, Clow.’”

Aug 27 2006


(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

I guess the internet’s been having Big Creepy Bugs Week or something? There seem to be more people than usual having horrible bug encounters on my friends list, and there was a thing on one of the _wank comms about people wanting bug pictures kept under lj-cuts.

In middle school I would always carry a thing of dental floss in my bag, which I would use to make little leashes for the preying mantises I beat out of the bushes at recess. That sentence should be giving you a pretty accurate picture of my social life at the time.

But it also means that I can totally look at those centipede pictures on FW and then go right back to my crunchy sandwich.

Today, however, I looked at Boing Boing. And there was the fucking hummingbird hawkmoth.

I seriously don’t think you should click on that link. ( You probably shouldn’t read the rest of this, either. )

Oh my god that thing is awful. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t a hummingbird. That’s what’s so bad about it. Hummingbirds are nice, and big moths are okay, but a really big moth that looks like a hummingbird, with a thick body and a bunch of ineffectual little tapered legs with no feet – that is Lovecraft. And its eyes aren’t where it looks like they are, and its front half is shaped like a vibrator, and it would be the worst thing ever to have come flying at your neck because it’s so much more fragile than a bird and its little proboscis-thing would break off and it would be hurt so it wouldn’t stop flying around and shit.

And I’m not going to be able to fix this by fucking looking at kitten pictures, either, because I’m going to suddenly became convinced that one of them is actually a freaky bug that only looks kind of like a kitten, and its eyes are actually infrared bits or sticky traps for smaller bugs. Please, someone tell me that a mad biologist bioengineered that thing, so I can go kill him for it.

Before, the only Boing Boing person I had conceived a personal hatred for was Cory Doctorow, because he shares my basic politics, but fills them full of a kind of viscerally unpleasant self-absorption and paranoia. But now I hate Frauenfelder, too, for the much sounder reason that he thought the creepyfuck bug was pretty and just slammed the picture up on the main page with no warning. I want to slap him really hard.

I had a nightmare a few years ago about a computer virus getting printed out, and getting up off the paper as a really big, really thin, translucent bug with a lot of wings that it didn’t actually use to fly – because it was a program, it was immune to air, so you couldn’t wave a magazine at it to blow it away from you, so it just kept coming. This moth is actually worse than my made-up dream monster. I would still hate the moth if you told me that every last one of them had died last night because of air pollution.


Also, here is a webcomic.

(edited a couple times to correct the date and put a cut in)

Continue reading “AAAAAAAGH”

Jul 30 2006


(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

elongated_tito just made me watch Sin City. I know it’s kind of, like, done to complain about the movie’s treatment of women, but. Yeah, okay.

( Eleven-year-old girl that Bruce Willis has just rescued from bad guys tells him, ‘I’m still a virgin, thanks to you.’ )

And I just ended up taking the movie a lot more seriously than I meant to, and I think I’m stopping here and putting this under a cut.

I just finished Rocannon’s World, Ursula LeGuin’s first published novel. It’s definitely by LeGuin, so it’s good, but it’s also definitely early. It has a Huge Faceless Mystery Enemy Who Cannot Be Reasoned With And Must Be Destroyed. This isn’t something you associate with LeGuin, and she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it – they’re the reason for the Journey, but just barely have a name, are there only at the very beginning and very end, and then are only kinda-sorta there.

The protagonist defeats them with the help of a Mysterious Wise Man On A Mountain, because, being a basically sensical character, he cannot overcome a nonsensical problem on his own, and thus requires an equally nonsensical deus ex machina.

In between, he deals with smaller and more comprehensible crises which are recognizably human, animal, or weather. Those parts are LeGuin. Fortunately, she learned to drop the end-paper.

Random note: I’ll eat something generally thought inedible if Rosemary Kirstein hasn’t read this book, because (elliptical spoiler for both Rocannon and the Steerswoman series) her Demon Cities are Rocannon’s Angel Cities.

(This entry edited a few times over a few minutes after posting it, because my genius comes in spurts, like mustard.)

Continue reading “GOSH FRANK MILLER”

May 09 2006

These brain numbers are off the charts!

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

( It’s 4:45 AM, and that means it’s time for a ridiculous manga scan! )

Hidenori Kusaka and MATO do not like being asked to be “more product-focused”! They particularly do not like this to happen when they are engaged in the climax of the really angst-ridden portion of the plot! Hidenori Kusaka and MATO will make this very clear to the readers, by means of a less-than-two-page sequence completely divorced from the rest of the storyline!

Continue reading “These brain numbers are off the charts!”

Apr 27 2006

What is that thing you go home hats are good.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

( Cut for offensive banner ad. Because I don’t put *ads* right out on my front page unless you’re *paying* me. It’s a *principle*. )

It’s been about ten days since I started writing this entry, and I still don’t have any conclusion aside from “augh!” (which is the title of the text file on the desktop), so I’m just going to post it now to get it out of my head, and go read Fruits Basket.

Continue reading “What is that thing you go home hats are good.”

Apr 12 2006


(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

( No other foe has ever made Bruno’s blood *rush* like Red did! )

Hee hee.

Apparently, the people who were feeding the vain deer are Comm Lady and her crazy Canadian husband. Huh.

If “Spanglophone” were a word (and apparently, it’s not), would it be capitalized?

Continue reading “Hahaha”

Mar 28 2006

The Hidden Stars, by Madeline Howard/Teresa Edgerton

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I feel like it’s my patriotic duty to review The Hidden Stars by Madeline Howard/Top-Secretly Teresa Edgerton in such a way that you will want to go buy it. But every time I try to start, I end up with some variation on this sentence:

Goddamnit woman, if you hadn’t written Goblin Moon…!

So there’s a problem.

( ‘All giant serpents will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.’ )

When I was babbling at my mom trying to explain my annoyance with my recent purchase, it kind of inevitably occurred to me that this is Edgerton’s first novel since 9/11 (because I just assume that everyone is depressed by the same things as I am) – there are a lot of scenes of military guys looking at each other grimly, and by that I mean, a lot lot. In the book, the thing that’s finally going to kill everybody is ancient, indestructible monsters buried sleeping all over the world, which the bad guys have started to wake up. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help suspecting what those monsters are supposed to be.

I already said I didn’t think it was subtle.

I’m going to read the rest of the series, because, well… because that’s how it works. But I’m still going to bitch about it on the internet! You can make me buy icky books, Teresa Edgerton – but no force on earth can stop me from whining on LiveJournal.


(The names in this entry were edited 2006/06/13 because I noticed Edgerton was no longer being required to keep it private that she was Howard. She technically was when I first posted this (though she cheated mentioning it on her message board), so I kept her real name out, except for a nofollow link to TeresaEdgerton.com. I bothered to edit it because I’m procrastinating on stuff right now.)

Continue reading “The Hidden Stars, by Madeline Howard/Teresa Edgerton”

Mar 08 2006

I wish I my arm was a solenoid quench gun in *real* life.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

While I was eating dinner, the school’s secret society (membership about five, apparently) ran in and knocked down a bunch of stuff. Being hardcore, they were all wearing nice custom-made white hoodies decorated with their attractive logo, plus the white masks. They have a KKK theme going on, but the hoods weren’t pointy, that being too last season. Though, as advertised, they *were* all husky white guys.

I wasn’t looking up when they came in, and was sitting pretty much off in the corner, but the sequence of events seemed to be,

( cut for diagram and long-winded tactical analysis )

Though if they had, this might have ended slightly differently, because I was up against the left wall, arming myself like I was apparently fucking Jamie Lee Curtis in the basement or something.

I froze for a few seconds, then started very carefully removing stuff from my tray so I could use it as a weapon – I had some trouble with the cup of orange juice, because I was watching them and not my hands, and I remember thinking that the staff was going to have e-fucking-*nough* to clean up without *me* spilling anything.

As I think we’ve all noticed by now, when I get angry, my soul becomes one with that of the ‘splosion. If anyone had gotten too close to me right then, even Random Bystander #53, I think I would have bashed them over the head with my stupid tray. I was visualizing very clearly a plan involving tangling one of the assholes in a chair and sitting on him until security came. It came complete with cuss words.

But they were already on their way out by the time I was on my feet, so I grabbed my cell phone and called security instead. Then I left because I couldn’t handle the fucking noise anymore. The stream of cuss words running through my head that didn’t dry up until I was halfway back to the dorm.

My god, I fucking hate those guys.

Continue reading “I wish I my arm was a solenoid quench gun in *real* life.”

Mar 07 2006

True genius is never understood in its own time.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

They never use my brilliant fucking ideas.

So, I am Important Technical Person for a campus publication.

And the dining halls keep putting these absurd standees on the tables, and everyone mocks them and draws graffiti on them and so on.

( So, I made this… )

I made several. It was hard. I think I hurt my mouse hand a little.

They were deemed *inappropriate to our image*.

*gets up and leaves room without warning; unnerving sounds are heard; returns*

So you can have it, internet.

Continue reading “True genius is never understood in its own time.”

Feb 25 2006

Do you mean to play god, Zorndyke!? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

What’s the deal with your name, Zorndyke? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!

So I was thinking that I’m not really sure I can describe how xenophobic and morally irresponsible Blue Submarine No. 6 is without sounding like zee hysteric who will take zee dumb action anime *way too seriously*.

But then I realized that hey!, I pretty much am. So.

( Spoiler cut. )

I can’t believe I’m writing all this earnest intercultural comm-textbook crap about Blue Submarine No. 6. Did I mention how Zorndyke’s doomsday device works? (This is not a spoiler.) It’s supposed to switch the earth’s magnetic poles, which the anime thinks will cause the tectonic plates to shatter and the continents to somehow sink. Your love is like bad geology, Blue Sub.

Continue reading “Do you mean to play god, Zorndyke!? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!”

Feb 17 2006

Obligatory current affairs reference

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Now that I actually think about it, I do feel safer knowing that Cheney can’t handle a gun.

I am, after all, not his friend.

Off to request vampire porn, the Little Red Book, and that thing with the farting dog from inter-library loan.


I got ten DSH samples, the one I’ve got on now, “Silk Road,” is the ninth I’ve tried, and it’s the first one I’ve really liked just on its own. Bois du Chocolat works *really* well layered with BPAL’s Black Pearl, as I have previously indicated, but by itself it’s just incredibly harsh. Straight Bois du Chocolat’s tagline could be “Doing lines of cocoa powder as if you believed it was cocaine apparently, and it *hurts* – The Experience.” That would make a poor tagline, I think you will agree.

Anyway. Silk Road. Not shockingly, it’s mainly a tea scent, but it’s got lemon, bergamot, rose, and beeswax in it (I looked at the ingredients list – I think you can tell the bergamot pretty easily without it, though), so it’s a sweet one – it doesn’t just smell like Earl Grey, which I was kind of expecting and would have been okay with. And it isn’t all dry, either. I feel like with some of the other samples I didn’t like that the woman had one particular ingredient in each that she was really into, and she overdid that one so things came out kind of unbalanced, but this seems pretty well-balanced to me – the tea is kind of muting the other stuff now that it’s drying out, but not overpowering it.

In summary, Smells Pretty.

I’ll talk about the others behind a cut, because I know you’re all just fucking philistines anyway. (Should I capitalize “philistine?” I’m not going to. I’m not totally sure what ethnic group we’re even talking about there.)

( Musk is for ICKY BOYS. )

BPAL also has something called “Silk Road,” which sounds like it actually hasn’t got tea in it – I may have to get an imp, just because.

Continue reading “Obligatory current affairs reference”

Dec 28 2005


(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

We are in Nashville. I have been buying books.

( You like reading lists of purchases, right? )

Random observations:

This is probably my slashiest book-purchasing-spree ever. The manga all have shounen-ai going on, Ethan of Athos is, of course, The Fluffy Slash Planet book, and though I know nothing about this particular book, I have certain *expectations* of Ellen Kushner.

I wonder if Hakkai’s getting kind of tired of hanging around in large, flat spaces containing varying quantities of human remains. This is what, the third time for him? The others have kept it down to two, but Hakkai’s managed to be present for all three crazy death-field incidents; he’s the only one to end up in *both* hypnosis-induced alternate realities. It’s becoming kind of a problem.

I opened Ethan of Athos to three random pages, and Cee was angsting on, precisely, one of them. This is about right, I think.

The Dolphins of Altair is probably going to be the most awesome book ever. Consider this line of the back cover synopsis: “The dolphins had to find allies and strike back.”


Continue reading “Capitalism”

Dec 20 2005

Ellis Peters made me sad.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

Books that are awesome recently: the Steerswoman series. Rowan and I are getting married, and neither you nor heterosexuality nor any other force of nature have any say in this, Rosemary Kirstein.

Books that aren’t: An Excellent Mystery, the eight kajillionth or whatever book in the Brother Cadfael series. This book has Sexual Politics, which I’ll talk about under the cut, my whole thing being just one big spoiler. (And I also gratuitously spoil book one (A Morbid Taste for Bones).)

( )

I took three Cadfael books in the series out of the library, but now this one’s pissed me off enough that I don’t feel like reading the others. I read Cadfael stuff when I’m stressed out – the plots are always kind of predictable and the endings are all happy and Cadfael always gets along with everyone – and, well, they’re basically Mary Sue stories with all the dirty fingerprints wiped off, which is the most soothing type of literature you can get without actually involving puddle duckies saving Christmas.

But this time Peters was apparently out of Windex, and the dirty fingerprints made it to press, and now I know all these things about her that I didn’t want to, and I don’t want to read more of her stuff until I’ve managed to forget them somewhat.

(And that my children is one of the neverending stories of fandom.)

In related news, this dog here is completely retarded. What the hell, why is it you think corduroy would taste good, you retarded dog.

Continue reading “Ellis Peters made me sad.”

Dec 12 2005

So I gave an awesome presentation last week.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

That Woman came up to me after and said, sounding kinda surprised, “That was actually quite good.” Soon I shall feast upon her entrails. Of *course* it was a fucking good presentation. It’s because I am fucking *eight million times* smarter than you, you *bitch*. You are a *shitty art teacher* and I am a *genius* who is such a *sophisticated internet user* that I use *asterisks* rather than CAPS LOCK to lend *emphasis* to *words*.

( Disclaimer: I am a snob and am about to be completely unfair to my classmates. (But not to the professor, I don’t think.) My excuse is that I’ve hurt my foot and my head feels like gnomes are hammering and sparkling their way out of it. But still, take note – I am going to be an asshole here. You might want to go read a Janet Kagan book or something instead if, you know, you’re not into that kinda thing. Eat some chocolate. )


My notes also included a picture I drew of Generica Villainous forcing our hero Casey the Overeducated Berserker to kneel before her, which I maintain is within the scope of the class because it was part of a larger narrative, and that narrative also has a ninja in it, and ninja are Japanese. *Asian narrative art*, people.

Continue reading “So I gave an awesome presentation last week.”

Sep 22 2005

I am going to kill you so hard.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

I was forced to leave this note in the kitchen this morning:

( Illustrative photo is behind the cut. )

“To the individual who, sometime Thursday morning, took my soup out of the fridge, spilled some on the floor, put it back without covering it properly, and left without cleaning up his spill, thus causing me to stumble barefoot into yellow liquid at 9:00 AM while nauseous:

When I find out who you are, you will suffer torments new to experience of man.

For a lesser food-crime than this, in Kentucky a man lies in a shallow grave, the fondou he did offend against smeared across his sightless eyes, his mouth still agape in an expression of faint shock. This fate and worse await you. Settle your affairs and compose your mind and spirit.

Have a nice day,

I think my handwriting sort of lends an air of legitimacy to death threats.

Continue reading “I am going to kill you so hard.”