I Am Completely Serious

“Oh my god this show is so terrible – ohhhh, god, no, that kid’s got blue hair, he’s going to be a protagonist! We’ve got like fucking seventeen protagonists already, I can’t -”

Good work, Spark!

“OH GOD IT’S TRUE his name’s Spark oh please someone kill him! Before he matures!”

He reminds me of someone, Parn. He reminds me of you… when you were a boy!

“OHHHH GODDDDDD I’m going outside.”

Internet, are you sure Ahiru from Princess Tutu isn’t voiced by the same person as Mink from Dragon Half?

Seriously, the angry mobs in Fullmetal Alchemist are not quality. It’s not just some deficit in the animation budget – these guys just have no concept of how to rage. They’re all holding these farm implements like, “What are we going to do with these? Are we supposed to garden? The other mobs always have these, I just never really saw what they did after. I only had this misting bottle – this is an urban area, you know, I don’t really farm so much.”

[/Eddie Izzard] Dad’s here, need to go now.

That is NOT what “sanctioned” means, you retarded fansubbers

AAAAAGH

there it is AGAIN.

At least look it up before you use it in the episode title.

“You have done the most sanctioned thing known to man! You have… repotted a spider plant! You have taken a brief nap after supper! You have built a scale model of the Eiffel Tower out of matches! The laws of man are pretty much like totally okay with these things!”

(That wasn’t what “kindred” meant, either.)

Also, apparently scientific progress actually goes “zahhhh,” and flashbacks go “zasssh.”

…

Maybe the internet doesn’t really need to know my feelings about Fullmetal Alchemist. Maybe I should close this window and just watch it.

The artificial-intelligence-y satellites in Silent Mobius are named Donald, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. At one point they break, and we are expected to mourn them.

There are about eight million reasons that I cannot take this anime seriously, but this feels to me kind of emblematic of all its other issues.

Aaaaagh.

Miyazaki couldn’t plot his way out of a Super America with a *map*.

There was time travel and I don’t know why they went outside and then just *came back in* and Sophie’s hair and what about *Lettie* did she *die* and what the *hell* Suliman you are a *woman* and you don’t have *any* coherent motivation and *no one* does and Sophie doesn’t talk to hats or really do much of *anything* and TIME TRAVEL?

Maybe I should hit myself over the head until I forget the book, and try watching it again then?

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

What’s the deal with your name, Zorndyke? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!

So I was thinking that I’m not really sure I can describe how xenophobic and morally irresponsible Blue Submarine No. 6 is without sounding like zee hysteric who will take zee dumb action anime *way too seriously*.

But then I realized that hey!, I pretty much am. So.

( Spoiler cut. )

I can’t believe I’m writing all this earnest intercultural comm-textbook crap about Blue Submarine No. 6. Did I mention how Zorndyke’s doomsday device works? (This is not a spoiler.) It’s supposed to switch the earth’s magnetic poles, which the anime thinks will cause the tectonic plates to shatter and the continents to somehow sink. Your love is like bad geology, Blue Sub.

Continue reading “Do you mean to play god, Zorndyke!? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!”

Important Anime Club Report Stop Whatever You Are Doing

I guess I wasn’t the proper type of nerd the first time I saw Read or Die, because it meant nothing to me then that *Sanzo* was in it. Like, using Goku’s nyoibo. And flying around on Goku’s little cloud from the Real Actual Source Material. And parting the sea, which I don’t *think* either of them ever does. And *breathing fire*.

So I sat there imagining Saiyuki-no-Sanzo parting the sea and leading the Jews off and all, and then ruining the whole thing by making an anti-Semitic comment and lighting up, with his fire breath.

We also finished Gankutsuou tonight. Certain things happened to directly contrast with my previous post. Here is a spoiler tag: I mean, they didn’t happen quite *enough* – it wasn’t on the *lips* – but there it was. *Text.* I still have no idea whether there’s any precedent for this in the Real Actual Source Material; I should probably try and get past the first chapter in that at some point.

I *might* have to paint the sleeves of my black coat all like the Count’s.

Hakushaku!

Furanzu!

Peppo…?!

*Yujiniiiii!*

Hakushaku!

Kaa-san?

Makusumirian!

Varenchiin?

Hakushaku!

…Tou-san…
(Edumondu Dantesu!)

*Yuuuuuujiniiiiiii!*

*Heidieeeeeeeeeeee!*

Hakushaku!

Kaa-san…

- Peppo!

*Furaaaaanzuuuuuuu!*

Hakushaku!

I created a tag called “hate” for that last post, as I consider it likely that I will eventually make *others* properly described by the word.

Man, I ain’t *never* gonna break the chains of samsara and attain Buddha-hood at *this* rate.

The reason that I am incompetent is that I said “seme” in the last post, but it should have been “uke.” If I don’t do something to stop this slide, man, soon I just know I’m gonna fuck up something important – I mean, I feel like if I’m not careful I’m gonna be talking about Angel Sanctuary but actually mean X or something, and someone’s just gonna end up *dead*, you know? I still have these bad flashbacks to the time that girl confused A. J. Hall and Cassie Claire, and that kid ended up with burns all over his face, you know? That could’ve been me. I don’t know if I have the nerve for fandom anymore, I mean, I just *don’t know*.

Someone write me a paper about Strange Tales from Make-Do Studio and the Chinese fantastic tradition real quick.

We watched the live action Sailor Moon series in anime club today. I think my IQ dropped a few points; my heckling is generally at least slightly more coherent than, “Oh, my god, *why* – that doesn’t even make sense! Oh, god, you can see the puppeteer’s arm – did that cactus just go through *mitosis* – oh, no, *why?* WHY ARE THEY SINGING?”

As I was walking back to the dorm just now, a girl ran across the street to avoid me. This was not a coincidence – she was staring at me with her eyes bugged out, and she slowed down immediately once she was past me. I was, of course, wearing a long black coat and fedora…

…But, I mean, I’m kind of *small*. And this girl was something like a foot taller than I am. Also, I’m female, and affluent and Jewish, though I guess I couldn’t expect her to know the second two, but in any case, I am definitely not in any of those demographics that get a lot of violent crimes pinned on them. I now know how it feels to be a large black man.

Seriously, I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what I was doing that might freak out someone twice my size, but I think I was pretty much just walking – a few minutes before I’d suddenly thought of Negaverse hair and giggled, but there were shrubs and crap in the way and she wouldn’t have seen that. So I’m ending up falling back on stereotyping myself, and have decided that she must just have been an Eastern European international student.

This is because two of the Eastern European international student girls I’ve met have had weird phobias, and my broad generalizations strikes hard and fast like lightning. If it makes sense for a broad generalization to *strike*. But anyway, I’m guessing that her particular silly-East-European-girl phobia must be of fedoras, since if it was the black coat she’d have been hospitalized by now – there’s just way too many of them running around campus – and the same goes for short smirking people and little oval glasses.

I’m pretty sure she came out of the freshmen-only dorm that’s right next to mine, so I guess I’m going to have to run into her again, and presumably scare her again, since I do kind of wear trenchcoats and fedoras a *lot*. Hopefully this will give her the courage to face up to her fears and break out of this terrible East European girl stereotype that an uncaring world has created for her.

I think I’m going to fall asleep on the keyboard in a second.

Galaxy Express 999 is completely insane. I think I’ll watch it again and see how many times the kid yells “Maetel!”

In the bathroom last night there was a little black worm lying in the black space between the tiles, where it was invisible until I kicked it accidentally. It writhed itself back into place, and went still again. It probably is not an entirely new species of worm which evolved entirely in the SAE women’s restroom into a form perfectly adapted to sitting motionless on the grout – but I *wish* it was.

It’s moved now, I don’t know where it is. *Ominous.*

1)

Okay, anyone know what the fuck happened?

2)

Spoilers:

…Okay, I guess they had to bring Sephiroth back. But, but – shouldn’t he have had, like, EVIL DEEDS to do or something? Who, upon being resurrected after being dead for two years, hangs around and taunts Cloud? Why would you *do* that? There are certainly situations in which taunting Cloud is appropriate, nay, *required* – but immediately after miraculously coming back to life?! No!

I need a good dose of Kefka to clean out my system. Hey, remember how in FFVI, the villain, like, MADE FUN of the good guys when went got all inspirational-speaker? Sephiroth read the self-help books just like everyone else. (And why the hell is fucking *Vincent* the one to give Cloud the first big inspirational speech, how does that even work.)

3)

Reeve, man, do you have some body image issues you’d like to talk about?

In Advent Children, Cloud dies but is magically resurrected when Pokemon cry on him.

No, I haven’t seen it yet.