snarp’s blog

…

I listened to a Decemberists song called “Cautionary Song” today. This song is an extended exploration of the timeless theme that Your Mom Is A Whore. According to a random LiveJournal person I found via the google, the lead singer has been known to start giggling during the last verse.

Not actually relatedly, I found this webcomic the other day, and it is very awesome. Now I understand panel #5! I aspire to find a situation in which it would be appropriate to use that phrase.

-

I have now watched twelve episodes of Gundam Wing. Episodes 11 and 12 take place mostly in China, but for some reason they very carefully avoid ever actually calling it “China.” And we find out that Sally Po - who last time she showed up was in the military and lived in Europe somewhere, like, with the Delta Knights maybe - is no longer in Europe, but rather in rural China, coordinating a guerrilla-warfare rebellion against some bad guys we have never met before! Some guy apologizes that they are welcoming her home with all this killing, in the single line of dialog explaining her sudden change in locale!

Did I mention that it is completely impossible to identify people’s ethnic origins in this anime unless someone says it out loud? Sally has brown hair and blue eyes. A lot of the insurgents do.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to take the elements of these two episodes and impose some kind of a plot on them. Spoilers, I guess?

Read the rest of this entry »

The extremely poker-faced, extremely androgynous Kino and her childlike talking motorcycle Hermes are travelers who spend exactly three days in each city they come to. The cities all have some improbable, ironic mystery to them, which Kino exposes by being impassive at someone until he says something perceptive. There is obviously some backstory, but probably no plot. (Well, in the anime; in the novel we get all Kino’s and Hermes’s backstory in the first chapter, but it sounds like the anime’s using a different one.)

I don’t get much out of this. The show’s theme, frequently elaborated upon by Kino, is “The world is not beautiful; therefore it is” - you’re supposed to find beauty in imperfections and transience of the world. The pitch could probably have just said “wabi-sabi” and left it at that.

Except that if Kino finds much of what she sees beautiful, she doesn’t show it. She’s kind of a smug little bastard, and while I personally like seeing a female anime character like that (there’s no shortage of male ones), I don’t think that kind of protagonist is appropriate to this kind of story. Kino seems to totally lack the requisite sense of wonder; she’s a cynic who doesn’t have much respect for the people she talks to, and is willing to at least entertain the possibility that they’re all just crazy. Which they mostly are, because the nature of the ironic twists required by each chapter makes it necessary. Kino carries guns, which have names, and in the novel, the two people for whom she seems to feel the most empathy are a mass murderer, and person who wants to embroil a whole city (though an over-the-top corrupt one) in rioting for revenge on a single individual.

If I’d found this five years ago, I probably would have loved it, but I’ve seen other examples of this genre before, the genre being loosely defined as “carefree person discovers strange things and people, wonders at them, and moves on.” Kino’s Journey doesn’t compare to, say, Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou, or Sexy Voice and Robo. I’m not really interested in going any further.

One thing that did amuse me, and will affect no other human being in like manner - Kino’s voice sounds kind of like Haruhi’s from Ouran High School Host Club, and Hermes’s sounds exactly like Kaoru’s. (They’re not the same actors, I looked it up.) Only in this way can they consummate their love!… go away. You people will never understand.

I ordered the first two volumes of Princess Tutu all legal-like during ADV’s sale last week. They showed up today, along with a free Valentines Day bonus!

I googled some reviews, and apparently it’s based on a comic, and apparently no, it isn’t somehow secretly not horrible. And I can’t even really sell it, the Amazon prices are mostly sub-$4.

So do I see what happens if I try to donate it to the library, or do I abandon it in the middle of the student union, swaddled in a thin blanket and clutching a locket containing sepia-tone pictures of two individual breasts and a wisp of hair sawed off a plastic figurine?

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

O I am ill, laid low by such a foul imbalance of the humors as to make me dirty up all my new hankies in one day, and re-read books.

But then I watched the last few episodes of Ouran and my nose wasn’t stopped up anymore. It’s a miracle! A piracy miracle!

I’m still all dizzy, though. I hate being dizzy. I don’t even get to get intoxicated or go into a berserker rage first. It’s totally unfair.

For some reason being sick always makes it a little easier to concentrate in class. And also apparently makes me write in real short paragraphs.

…Kyouya. Sigh. ( spoilers )

And I feel like “Éclair Tonnerre” is not actually a stupid enough name for a stereotyped French villain. It’s just straight out of a dictionary. Very substandard Frappanese, doesn’t scan. Quillsh Wammy and Mail Jeevas have a certain indefinable retarded glory to them, but Éclair Tonnerre is mere Mary Sue quality, and can hope only to brush its fingers on the mantle of such greater inappropriate linguistic appropriations.

I bet she’s an animagus who got kicked out of Beauxbatons for being too unconventional.

Read the rest of this entry »

I was watching Ouran episode 17 just now, and at the end Kyoya had a montage-flashback of Tamaki doing nice things for people, all surrounded with flowers and puffies and whatnot. I’m not that far into the anime yet, but manga-wise, I think everyone but Mori’s had an inspirational Tamaki flashback by now. And the figure who, despite their general ineffectuality, is seen as special and pure and to be protected by all the others, is of course a perfectly normal and respectable shoujo trope with a long history, except that normally it’s the heroine.

(Citations I can think of right off are Cardcaptor Sakura, Suki, Angelic Layer and all the other CLAMP manga with a little girl protagonist, Vampire Game, Penguin Brothers, Imadoki, Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne, and of course Fruits Basket.)

This is the show’s real genderbending angle. Tamaki is clumsy, emotionally incontinent, and has no skills other than general niceness and sincerity in the midst of highly-competent people, yet is universally envied and adored and the center of everyone’s emotional universe. Tamaki is the heroine. (Oh, man, I totally would have put this in my paper if I’d thought of it.)

Other inspirations courtesy of this episode:

1) The animators do not ship Kyoya-Haruhi. In the scene where Kyoya exposes the guy selling counterfeit raku bowls, they cut out the part about his doing it to avenge Haruhi.

2) I think they do ship Kyoya-Tamaki, because Kyoya had three Tamaki flashbacks here, and there was only one in the manga.

* Blew off Scrapped Princess again.

* For some reason did not blow off Lodoss War. A protagonist died and we couldn’t tell because it was too badly animated, but after a while we realized the person wasn’t there anymore, and then there was some dialog about it.

Also, there were like fucking four clerics just standing there during the damn death - they didn’t do anything. See? This is why I hate all clerics.

* Yakitate Japan lied to us about science often and creatively.

* In Princess Tutu, Jenan got excited about the idea of Mytho only getting the sad feelings back, and ordered us all to prepare for next week an interpretive dance on the theme of a bad feeling. She gave herself drunkenness. I took berserker rage, as is my wont.

* Doctor Tran? What? I can’t figure out if it was funny or not. (The Voice went on YouTube.)

I went down to the farmer’s market this morning because I randomly woke up early and desired yukon gold potatoes, which the grocery store doesn’t have. These are good potatoes because they have very thin skin and I don’t have to peel them, and also they’re pretty and kind of sweet so that they are highly appropriate to curry. Unfortunately, whoever it was that was selling them before apparently stopped, because I could find only brown and red potatoes.

However, there was a woman selling baklava.

Baklava is a dangerous, dangerous substance. I am already planning to go down again next week and buy larger quantities.

Anime Club News:

Akachan showed up. (Though I guess she’s not an akachan anymore, seeing as she’s now in college and stuff.) I indoctrinated her to my hatred of Record of Lodoss War, though I didn’t need to try very hard - she was very excited by the pretty opening sequence, but the spirit of artsiness within her grew gradually more and more enraged as the episode wore on and she realized how badly the actual show was animated. She spent much time sputtering in annoyance.

We got the episodes out of order in both Lodoss and Princess Tutu, and it actually made a significantly bigger difference for Tutu, which is supposed to be our crack show. (After Yakitate Japan, that is.)

A horrifying gay stereotype - a chef who specializes in “sweet buns” - showed up in Yakitate. I could totally cite this in my research as an example of the difference between Yaoi Boys (good and pretty) and Gay Guys (bad and ugly), though I guess I’d need to come up with some more professional-sounding terminology for it.

Also, we learned that an afro is a natural expression of grief.

We totally failed to watch Scrapped Princess.

Yakitate Japan - The freckles guy who’s always hallucinating is the real protagonist. The last episode will be him waking up in bed with Azuma and realizing it was all a dream.

Scrapped Princess - The incompetent wizard woman and the incompetent knight guy are there solely to be hated. Also, I bet Fred Gallagher fucking loves that random floating purple girl.

Princess Tutu - I’m going to claim to Sensei that the Infuriated Muslim Ballerina is a common anime character type, on par in popularity with the Lecherous Old Man and Exuberant MtF Transvestite.

Making tofu curry - Put the tofu in last or it’ll fall apart and make it look like an evil spore from Nausicaa exploded in your curry.

Making brownies - Just buy some cooking spray already.

“Oh my god this show is so terrible - ohhhh, god, no, that kid’s got blue hair, he’s going to be a protagonist! We’ve got like fucking seventeen protagonists already, I can’t -”

Good work, Spark!

“OH GOD IT’S TRUE his name’s Spark oh please someone kill him! Before he matures!”

He reminds me of someone, Parn. He reminds me of you… when you were a boy!

“OHHHH GODDDDDD I’m going outside.”

Internet, are you sure Ahiru from Princess Tutu isn’t voiced by the same person as Mink from Dragon Half?

Seriously, the angry mobs in Fullmetal Alchemist are not quality. It’s not just some deficit in the animation budget - these guys just have no concept of how to rage. They’re all holding these farm implements like, “What are we going to do with these? Are we supposed to garden? The other mobs always have these, I just never really saw what they did after. I only had this misting bottle - this is an urban area, you know, I don’t really farm so much.”

[/Eddie Izzard] Dad’s here, need to go now.

That is NOT what “sanctioned” means, you retarded fansubbers

AAAAAGH

there it is AGAIN.

At least look it up before you use it in the episode title.

“You have done the most sanctioned thing known to man! You have… repotted a spider plant! You have taken a brief nap after supper! You have built a scale model of the Eiffel Tower out of matches! The laws of man are pretty much like totally okay with these things!”

(That wasn’t what “kindred” meant, either.)

Also, apparently scientific progress actually goes “zahhhh,” and flashbacks go “zasssh.”

…

Maybe the internet doesn’t really need to know my feelings about Fullmetal Alchemist. Maybe I should close this window and just watch it.

The artificial-intelligence-y satellites in Silent Mobius are named Donald, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. At one point they break, and we are expected to mourn them.

There are about eight million reasons that I cannot take this anime seriously, but this feels to me kind of emblematic of all its other issues.

Aaaaagh.

Miyazaki couldn’t plot his way out of a Super America with a *map*.

There was time travel and I don’t know why they went outside and then just *came back in* and Sophie’s hair and what about *Lettie* did she *die* and what the *hell* Suliman you are a *woman* and you don’t have *any* coherent motivation and *no one* does and Sophie doesn’t talk to hats or really do much of *anything* and TIME TRAVEL?

Maybe I should hit myself over the head until I forget the book, and try watching it again then?

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

What’s the deal with your name, Zorndyke? Zorndyyyyyyyyke!

So I was thinking that I’m not really sure I can describe how xenophobic and morally irresponsible Blue Submarine No. 6 is without sounding like zee hysteric who will take zee dumb action anime *way too seriously*.

But then I realized that hey!, I pretty much am. So.

( Spoiler cut. )

I can’t believe I’m writing all this earnest intercultural comm-textbook crap about Blue Submarine No. 6. Did I mention how Zorndyke’s doomsday device works? (This is not a spoiler.) It’s supposed to switch the earth’s magnetic poles, which the anime thinks will cause the tectonic plates to shatter and the continents to somehow sink. Your love is like bad geology, Blue Sub.

Read the rest of this entry »

Important Anime Club Report Stop Whatever You Are Doing

I guess I wasn’t the proper type of nerd the first time I saw Read or Die, because it meant nothing to me then that *Sanzo* was in it. Like, using Goku’s nyoibo. And flying around on Goku’s little cloud from the Real Actual Source Material. And parting the sea, which I don’t *think* either of them ever does. And *breathing fire*.

So I sat there imagining Saiyuki-no-Sanzo parting the sea and leading the Jews off and all, and then ruining the whole thing by making an anti-Semitic comment and lighting up, with his fire breath.

We also finished Gankutsuou tonight. Certain things happened to directly contrast with my previous post. Here is a spoiler tag: I mean, they didn’t happen quite *enough* - it wasn’t on the *lips* - but there it was. *Text.* I still have no idea whether there’s any precedent for this in the Real Actual Source Material; I should probably try and get past the first chapter in that at some point.

I *might* have to paint the sleeves of my black coat all like the Count’s.

Hakushaku!

Furanzu!

Peppo…?!

*Yujiniiiii!*

Hakushaku!

Kaa-san?

Makusumirian!

Varenchiin?

Hakushaku!

…Tou-san…
(Edumondu Dantesu!)

*Yuuuuuujiniiiiiii!*

*Heidieeeeeeeeeeee!*

Hakushaku!

Kaa-san…

- Peppo!

*Furaaaaanzuuuuuuu!*

Hakushaku!

I created a tag called “hate” for that last post, as I consider it likely that I will eventually make *others* properly described by the word.

Man, I ain’t *never* gonna break the chains of samsara and attain Buddha-hood at *this* rate.

The reason that I am incompetent is that I said “seme” in the last post, but it should have been “uke.” If I don’t do something to stop this slide, man, soon I just know I’m gonna fuck up something important - I mean, I feel like if I’m not careful I’m gonna be talking about Angel Sanctuary but actually mean X or something, and someone’s just gonna end up *dead*, you know? I still have these bad flashbacks to the time that girl confused A. J. Hall and Cassie Claire, and that kid ended up with burns all over his face, you know? That could’ve been me. I don’t know if I have the nerve for fandom anymore, I mean, I just *don’t know*.

Someone write me a paper about Strange Tales from Make-Do Studio and the Chinese fantastic tradition real quick.

We watched the live action Sailor Moon series in anime club today. I think my IQ dropped a few points; my heckling is generally at least slightly more coherent than, “Oh, my god, *why* - that doesn’t even make sense! Oh, god, you can see the puppeteer’s arm - did that cactus just go through *mitosis* - oh, no, *why?* WHY ARE THEY SINGING?”

As I was walking back to the dorm just now, a girl ran across the street to avoid me. This was not a coincidence - she was staring at me with her eyes bugged out, and she slowed down immediately once she was past me. I was, of course, wearing a long black coat and fedora…

…But, I mean, I’m kind of *small*. And this girl was something like a foot taller than I am. Also, I’m female, and affluent and Jewish, though I guess I couldn’t expect her to know the second two, but in any case, I am definitely not in any of those demographics that get a lot of violent crimes pinned on them. I now know how it feels to be a large black man.

Seriously, I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what I was doing that might freak out someone twice my size, but I think I was pretty much just walking - a few minutes before I’d suddenly thought of Negaverse hair and giggled, but there were shrubs and crap in the way and she wouldn’t have seen that. So I’m ending up falling back on stereotyping myself, and have decided that she must just have been an Eastern European international student.

This is because two of the Eastern European international student girls I’ve met have had weird phobias, and my broad generalizations strikes hard and fast like lightning. If it makes sense for a broad generalization to *strike*. But anyway, I’m guessing that her particular silly-East-European-girl phobia must be of fedoras, since if it was the black coat she’d have been hospitalized by now - there’s just way too many of them running around campus - and the same goes for short smirking people and little oval glasses.

I’m pretty sure she came out of the freshmen-only dorm that’s right next to mine, so I guess I’m going to have to run into her again, and presumably scare her again, since I do kind of wear trenchcoats and fedoras a *lot*. Hopefully this will give her the courage to face up to her fears and break out of this terrible East European girl stereotype that an uncaring world has created for her.

I think I’m going to fall asleep on the keyboard in a second.

Galaxy Express 999 is completely insane. I think I’ll watch it again and see how many times the kid yells “Maetel!”

In the bathroom last night there was a little black worm lying in the black space between the tiles, where it was invisible until I kicked it accidentally. It writhed itself back into place, and went still again. It probably is not an entirely new species of worm which evolved entirely in the SAE women’s restroom into a form perfectly adapted to sitting motionless on the grout - but I *wish* it was.

It’s moved now, I don’t know where it is. *Ominous.*