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What conversations with my students sound like.

What conversations with my students sound like. published on

While you read this, please imagine an eleven-year-old girl with huge teased hair in gigantic purple clip, lying on the floor with her eyes closed, me standing grumpily over her holding up a textbook from which I have been attempting to induce her to read.

ME: Goody Proctor.

GOODY PROCTOR: …pineapple.

ME: Pineapple?

GOODY PROCTOR: <Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Do you know?>

ME: …that would be Spongebob, Goody Proctor.

GOODY PROCTOR: <Ding ding ding.>

ME: Why Spongebob, Goody Proctor?

GOODY PROCTOR: <Because I love him.> I love Spongebob!

ME: Will you get married?

GOODY PROCTOR: <He’s cute!>

ME: I’m very happy for both of you.