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Also, do not pee in the composter, EVEN if you read online that it’s a good activator.

Also, do not pee in the composter, EVEN if you read online that it’s a good activator. published on

Yesterday there was a long orientation, in which we were told:

1) If you jaywalk, you will definitely be hit by cars. This is Japan. The Japanese are in a hurry.

2) One person got murdered nearby three years ago, so you need to always be careful about “suspicious characters.”

(There are also little signs around the city with warnings to this effect, depicting the suspicious characters doing suspicious things like standing near women while wearing hats and coats.)

3) Male students must not bring Japanese girls back to the dorm. Given the number of extremely fashion-conscious high school boys around, the low motivations and untrusty nature of the average student of the Japanese language, and the somewhat higher than average instance of non-standard sexual orientation in said group, I suspect that the gendered nature of this advice may be slightly myopic.

4) If you do not sort your recycling properly we will make several strategic cuts in your stomach and leave you staked out for the delectation of the local wildlife. For demonstration purposes, here is a crow. Observe its cruel curved beak, its razor-sharp talons.

5) It is extremely illegal to bartend in the dark, even if you do have the kind of visa that allows you to seek employment. Also possibly illegal is wearing an amusing animal suit for any reason that is not purely personal in nature.

(Some of the limitations regarding where foreigners can work seem to be aimed very specifically at sex workers, though it’s never actually phrased that way – foreigners can’t work in any establishment where the light is kept below a certain level, and can’t do any job classified as “entertainment.”)

6) Do not be loud at night. This is Japan. The Japanese have to be up at fucking five tomorrow, goddamn you.