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Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. published on

DAD: Do you want one of these steaks?
ME: No.
DAD: Are you sure? I’m making these steaks.
ME: I ate about an hour ago.
DAD: – can you say that? Is that grammatically correct?
ME: Yes.
DAD: Are you sure? “I ate an hour ago?” I don’t think that’s right, honey! Shouldn’t be… “eaten”… “have eaten” –
ME: Dad, do you need to go see a doctor?
DAD: No, honey, is that correct? Are you sure? Don’t make fun of me, honey, I don’t know.
ME: Yes! It is correct! You know that perfectly well –
DAD: I don’t know. Do you know where I’m from? I’m from The Bronx. We don’t talk the same there!
ME: You still say “ate” in The Bronx.
DAD: No! We don’t talk that way. In The Bronx, we don’t say, “forget about it,” we say “fuggedabouddih.” It’s one word. I’m gonna go cook these steaks.

DAD: It’s mango lemonade. This juice has got a lot of – vitamin C – no, it’s only got 15%!
ME: That’s because it’s mostly not actually juice –
DAD: Oh, I’m very disappointed – I’m very disappointed in this juice – okay, here, look, honey, I’m going to mix in some real – I’m putting in some orange juice, see, look what I’m doing!
ME: I see –
DAD: – and it’s not going to cause a bionic catatonic reaction, is it, honey?
ME: No, it’s not going to cause a bionic catatonic reaction.
DAD: It’s gonna cause a reverse-emulsion compulsive animatronic caronic…
ME: Okay.
DAD: It’s gonna cause an angioplasty.

DAD: These steaks came out really good! Do you want a piece?
ME: No.
DAD: Because you have eaten an hour ago… you ate an hour ago… you may be right.