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I read somewhere recently (I cannot now find the link) about people who roam college campuses at night, looking for girls walking by themselves. They approach them with a pamphlet full of scare statistics and say something like, “Ma’am, do you know what the leading cause of rape on campus is?”

The correct answer to this question is, of course, “Do you know what the leading cause of assault on campus is?… Assailants.

And then you kick them in the fucking crotch.

Relatedly. Mom, thegeekgene and I were eating breakfast in a hotel dining room this morning, and Fox News was on. They were interviewing a guy whose disabled baby’s surgery money had been stolen, like they do. One of the guys asked this guy, very smugly and approvingly, “So I understand you say that the police had better find the thief before you do, is that right? Can you tell us why you’d say something like that?”

We are Fox News, and we approve of unsanctioned violence.

Also, apparently it’s bin Laden’s birthday? They kept saying, “Osama bin Laden turns fifty today,” and you could tell they were having trouble reconciling the hard-coded [string] < < "turns" << [int] << "today" cheery vocal patterns to the stern ones for the "Osama bin Laden" << [string] ones. I bet some poor jerk spent the whole night hacking together a new pitch arrangement. The Obligatory Woman (v. Caucasian.0) had some pretty bad lag going on. This week’s Minus has a Battle Angel Alita reference. This is very important news.