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(The cat should definitely be an orange tabby with a light blue collar.)

(The cat should definitely be an orange tabby with a light blue collar.) published on

The United States has given me mutant paranoia senses. Coming outside this morning, I realized that everything smelled really bad, and also that there was a loud grinding or pouring noise from somewhere. I did not think, “Dude, the celestial cat pissed on god’s stove*,” then “They must be doing some kind of weird construction again.” No, for that is the reasonable response.

I thought, “Dude, the celestial cat pissed on god’s stove,” then, “Oh shit we’re getting biological warfare’ed with grindy-sound burnt-cat-pee bombs why does international law not forbid grindy-sound burnt-cat-pee bombs why.”

This concern actually seriously affected my concentration on studying for this morning’s history midterm. I was sitting in the basement of the library thinking about those biological weapons I read about for essaypocalypse, trying to remember if any of them somehow involved urea.

I started composing this post in my head then, to shut my paranoia centers down. However, I did not let myself post it until now, because first I had to check the internet to make sure no one did use biological weapons on my campus. They might not tell us!

But now that I’m sure it’s safe, I think I might go into town to get stuff to make sushi.

* I can only hope that this metaphor is not as vividly familiar to others as it is to me.