I Am Completely Serious

When I left the dorm an hour ago, the clouds were already completely black and looking about to explode any second. And they weren’t going to explode with just rain, either, oh, no - we’re talking rain, hail, hail and snow at the same time (meteorologically improbable), shiny black beetles, African violets, crowbars, teeth, and ornate brass steampunk conveyances with sooty little people in goggles peering owlishly out the portholes.

You people do not understand about these clouds. They are hard.

Yet somehow it had only just started drizzling when I walked back in a minute ago. The two guys playing football out there only stopped like five seconds ago.

Diabolical signature

There are a number of alleged demon signatures in existence, some or all perhaps faked.

One of my Kingdom of Loathing characters’ burritoes disappeared in the night. I haven’t broken my hippy stone or anything, this totally should not have happened.

…you know what would be a good thing for the game to do? If one or two of your burritoes, chow meins, and pizzas disappeared during rollover sometimes, and a randomly-selected character in the town somewhere was looking kind of shifty. That would be very KoL.

Also, I’d like it if you could use the Fermenting Powder on stuff other than grapes. Like, Goat’s Milk. You ought to be able to ferment it into Goat Cheese. I always have to spend a couple days at the Goatlet to get enough Goat Cheese, and I could totally cut it down to less than a day like that. You shouldn’t have to spend more than a day at the Goatlet, that’s just dumb.

They’ve been setting off fireworks down in the football field the past couple nights, which has completed my nighttime sensory befuddlement. The room looks like a hotel room, the hill slopes down to the field outside my window like the ground down to the ocean, and it’s always windy at night, and the wind sounds like waves. I keep being half-asleep thinking I’m at the beach and trying to remember if I’ve sneered at any hermit crabs through their terrariums yet this time.

(This text was originally posted on LiveJournal. It has been reformatted (awkwardly) for use on WordPress.)

I finished Torikaebaya Monogatari/The Changelings/If Only I Could Exchange Them a while back. This is a book written during the Heian era about a brother and sister who are “by nature inclined to act as the opposite sex,” and just happen to look exactly alike.

Guess what they do.

They eventually switch back, after several years, a lot of angst, and no actual, physical gay sex.

The author is unknown, and there’s apparently a debate about his/her gender. I will now conclusively put an end to this debate through the application of my giant brain:

The author was a straight guy because the thwarted-buttsex was comedy and the lesbian stuff was completely serious.

You may now sit in silent awe of my brilliant and I’m sure completely original analysis. Tears may, if necessary, spring to your eyes; no sniffling.

( Slightly more serious analysis behind the cut. )

No one has ever heard of this book (Sensei hadn’t - he stood there flipping through it looking bemused for a while when I showed it to him), and it’s impossible to buy cheaply. My copy’s from the library. I probably shouldn’t put it to immoral internet purposes.

Continue reading “Torikaebaya Monogatari”

That’s what the internet weather predicted. I didn’t see any.

Though the wind was blowing hard enough that I couldn’t stay upright and my pictures came out blurry.

Yes, I WENT ON MY WALK ANYWAY.

If you walk through poorly-drained parking lots enough, your pants will actually gain enough weight in water to significantly slow you down.

Anyway,

Too menstrual. Digestive tract too unreliable. Back too sore. All out of verbs.

Fake meat called “crumbles” cannot, in fact, be molded satisfactorily into meatballs, the addition of tomato goop notwithstanding. I had to turn it into a kind of chili that had no beans or chili powder instead, so that it was basically “soup” rather than chili.

It was okay, but it definitely did not meet my original requirement of being something I could put on a bamboo skewer in a little row.

I imagine it somehow involves science.

Bugs leave you alone if you’re covered in patchouli.

I’m not very threatening or something. I was six feet away from the bunny, yet it sat staring at me like that for about thirty seconds while I played with the camera. Hello, I eat your kind! I make you into curry! So dangerous!

UDON IS VERY HARD TO EAT.

I remembered to take a picture today, but I forgot to buy plastic baggies, which I needed. I did buy cookies.

Someone threw out an old wreath or basket - it’s hard to tell which now - beside this wall; the artificial twigs and flowers are slowly being overgrown by the ivy, and the papier mache birds watch the people who pass by with deceptively mild expressions. They know their fate, and they know by whom they were consigned to it…

I laughed at this book when I checked it in today. I am a bad person.

(I also stole this image from Amazon - hence the little copyright notices - so I’m a really bad person.)

Big and orange means severe, man! We’re not talking about fidgeting here, or talking too loud at parties or taking your pizza apart before you eat it - none of those minor behavior problems! We’re talking about throwing buildings at happy dogs and then exploding! SEVERE behavior problems!

Sechs is my favorite transsexual clone android sociopath who’s not that smart ever.

I was trying to figure out the difference between the shape of Alita’s head and the shape of Sechs’s, basically, but Alita came out wonky, so I’m putting the rest of the page behind the cut.

( first kinda-big image cut )

The lower middle Sechs and Nova were just copied straight from a manga page I was looking at, so they look really flat - I’m a shitty forger. The others weren’t, but the Alitas look totally wrong, and the front-view Sechs is wonky. I was extremely pleased with the 3/4-view Sechs, though, so I decided to try and draw a bigger picture like that,

( second kinda-big image cut )

Thus proving that anything pretty I draw is a fluke, I guess.

Things that are wrong with this picture:

1) Sechs’s limbs are all intact for once, yet she’s not jumping up in the air going like “Hahhhh!”

2) Sechs is holding that gun in an extremely wrong way. Because I know nothing about guns.

3) Sechs is extremely overqualified for flying-thing-shooting duty. The Netmen and Hunter-Warriors take care of all that, as can be determined from analysis of the circumstances of the killing of Hugo’s brother in volume two and Kaos’s pet bird in volume eight.

4) The buckles.

I have macaroni. Any of you guys want some? It has white cheddar. The cashier fumbled it dramatically, held it close to his eyes to examine suspiciously, and said, “White cheddar macaroni and cheese? That is amazing.” He remained entirely earnest and deadpan about this the entire time he was checking me out - no smiling. Naturally, I agreed with him. I think this is the same dude who last week was talking about how he really likes hot peppers, and how Scotch bonnets are just about hot enough.

Continue reading “I drew a bunch of pictures of Sechs this weekend.”

I shouldn’t have done that.

You can tell you’re hitting your limit on sushi when you stop eating it and start holding it up to your face to admire the spiral and wishing your camera had a macro lens.

(It hurts.)

…Well, my name’s pretty hard to spell… oh, annnnd I wrote an apocrypha once! No one ever reads the Gospel of Puddin’ the Saddest Little Penguin, but let me tell you, they are missing out on some good stuff. (Spoilers: Puddin’ loves you and was snapped up by a pelican for your sins!)

Jerkface fence.

My new rice cooker doesn’t have a timer. It has a scale - it weighs the water and rice and then sets the timer for you. It thinks stuff; it clicks sometimes, and each of those clicks is a dark, secret thought. I’m sitting with my back to it, and I don’t like that.

Mrph.

I forgot to take a picture today. You don’t get one.

(I also forgot about the chalk and Buddhism, of course.)

I want to play Chrono Trigger all of a sudden today (this person’s fault), but I don’t own a copy. I got angry at it before because Toriyama was involved it in it and I hate the porn-sneers he gives people when they’re fighting, but now I feel like I wasted so much time on it I ought to finish it. Except I’d now have to waste all that time a second time, because my saved game is lost forever.

So I guess the moral is that life isn’t fair, even though there are video games in it.

Today’s walk:

It’s the sort of thing that can just kind of slip your mind.

I guess they’d had the kids out drawing on the sidewalk during Sunday school, because it was all covered with chalk crosses and hearts and WWJD’s and whatnot. I stood there pondering them for a second, wishing I’d brought my chalk so as to subtly add a Namu Amida Butsu or something in there.

It’s been raining off and on all day, so the stuff’s probably all gone, but I think I’ll bring the chalk and a copy of the kanji (I just looked it up, it’s “南無阿彌陀佛”) down tomorrow anyway.