Skip to content

The medical baggie

The medical baggie published on

I walked out of the health center this morning with a paper bag containing:

* 1 box of Sudafed

* 1 bottle of Mucinex

* 2 packages of throat lozenges

* 8 packets of salt (for warm salt water for gargling)

* 6 packets of honey (for tea)

The sorts of things they hand out down there amuse me. I wonder if they also keep tomato juice for people wandering in with hangovers.

The nurse was very insistent about the curative powers of the honey, and my throat is presently so swollen I can feel *exactly* where the air’s going when I breathe, so I just used half of one of the packets. I feel completely justified in saying that you people who sweeten tea are criminals.

I nearly missed the mandatory East Asian department meeting because I was drugged and sleepy and totally forgot. I only left my room because I couldn’t get hold of Professor Portentous on the phone, and needed to ask for an extension on a paper. I went up to his office, saw that it was still empty, and laid down on the couch out front for a few minutes to wait, until The Artist who Formerly Wore a Beret All the Time pointed out to me that he was probably at the meeting.

So I staggered in something like forty-five minutes late, and Sensei, Mr. Smuckles, and Professor Portentous all laughed at me. I am not expected to be responsible.

There is an award ($500) that they give out to the really studious Chinese majors, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, this year’s went to The Tao. They’d made The Tao give a speech about his senior research, as an example to the rest of us of the proper way to do it, and I cleverly timed my entrance to right in the middle of this speech. I should argue that The Tao is only able to exist within the East Asian department because I am here to counterbalance him, and that therefore I should get $500, too.